Well, to start...this year of "an unexpected life" has definitely been one tough journey, probably the toughest journey of my whole life. There is only one other time in my life where I felt so completely lost, sad, rejected, and miserable. I have tried to avoid that situation, and in doing that I have realized that I made a whole lot of mistakes. I suppose you learn from your mistakes though.
The reason I wanted a write a post today is because I do still believe. I still believe in my God, even when I dont see how anything can be put back together, I do still believe that he can do it. I have felt so lost lately, and those close to may think im becoming bipolar. Im torn between my emotions and trying to do the right thing. But is following your heart the right thing? Because I can tell you that if I followed my heart right now, there would be plenty of people who would definitely say I was not doing the right thing.
Anyways, back to the reason I am writing this post. Life can really suck, but God will always be there. I dont believe that everything happens for a reason and I dont believe that God has every aspect of my life planned out, I believe he has given me free will. I also believe that having the fairy tale idea that everything is planned for you, is an easy way of not taking responsibility. I believe that all things can work together for good, but only if you let God work it together for good. Too many times I have been guilty of asking God for direction, but then was unwilling to actually listen. So I pray that I can have an open heart and and open mind to hear what my God has to say. I believe my God is always faithful, and when things go wrong and we blame God, its normally due to our unfaithfulness, its never because of his.
I dont know why I always have to be on my knees completely broken before I come to my loving God. But I do still believe that even though I dont deserve it, he will take me into his arms and pour out his unending grace into my life.
I love you my Lord. I am so thankful for your faithfullness, grace and unending perfect love.
